YMCA

November 15, 2009


What are the biggest surprises and lessons about marriage?

Pass out 5 by 7 cards for anonymous answers

Biggest surprises about marriage:

1.	Free time is cut by 80%

2.	The problems of my spouse and their family become mine.

3.	Surprised how quickly the frequency of sex diminished.

4.	Amazed how little my outside activities and friends really mattered.

5.	How feelings fluctuate from time to time…

6.	How destructive extended family can be

7.	Surprising how many decisions she makes tied into emotions rather than sound, logical basis.

8.	The struggle to make needed sacrifices and having to support a family.

9.	It’s not easy and requires work….my parents made it look easy.

10.	How much children impact a marriage, disciplining, sick etc.

11.	How my happiness is directly tied to my wife’s happiness.  




Biggest lessons about marriage:


1.	That I have this immense power to either ruin my husband’s and chidren’s lives or enrich them. (That my mood, and to what degree I allow my mood to dictate my behvior has a direct result on everyone else’s mood and therefore my daily lives).

2.	That marriage is not advanced dating

3.	That there is always more learning and maturing to do

4.	That marriage is a business partnership as much as it is a romance.  (Bills, meals, cleaning, kids, family stuff, emotions, problems to solve).

5.	How dull and exciting marriage can be?  Each day still seems exciting while we are living it…marriage has a way of making life more fun in an ordinary way.

6.	That could you love someone so strongly one minute and want to kill them the next

7.	That I didn’t realize the difference between men and women before.  Men and women need to respect their differences.

8.	That “in love” feelings fade to be replaced by something far deeper and precious than dating feelings ever could be if you stay faithful, honor your commitment and do the right thing!


In what ways has marriage made you a better person?

1.	That the definition of true happiness is putting someone else’s feelings before my own.

2.	Makes me want to be a better person

3.	Feel loved and accepted for exactly who I am, therefore I am able to accept my husband and our kids in the same way. 

4.	Learning to share, care and love another person makes me a better person

5.	My spouse has brought stability and peace into my life as well as perseverance.

6.	I found a best friend forever-no matter what.  They love me for me.


Verses 1 Peter 3:7

This teaches us that men should honor the wives.  In many cases, she gave up her name to take yours.  Honor means that you should respect, be courteous, considerate  and provide  emotional support.  She is not perfect, do not expect perfection.  But as Ephesians 4:32 teaches, “forbear one another” or be gentle towards one another.  Control tempers, abstain from physical and emotional abuse, remember that a sharp tongue makes the other feel inferiority and hurt.