YMCA lesson notes Sunday December 27 Bible verse: Proverbs 31: 10-31 More secrets to a successful marriage! What are women and men really thinking and feeling? 1. Doesn’t mean everything goes right, or your way, or feeling romantically in love all of the time 2. Too many unpredictable events, challenges, tragedies 3. Need the right attitude 4. Think outwardly 5. Means that you give up something that’s important to you to give your spouse something that is important to them. Same with helping others 6. Basic problem: Lack of commitment and sacrifice 7. More committed to their careers, interests etc 8. Live in selfish times (tell Dee story) 9. Last few generations have not been taught that marriage and children are a huge sacrifice and commitment 10. Momentary pleasure without obligation is the most important of life’s pursuits. 11. Early love (you love the way the other person makes you feel) Mature love (you love the person as he or she is) Time magazine says this is the difference between passionate and compassionate love 12. People get married to fulfill their own needs but should get married when you are ready to fulfill the needs of your spouse 13. What do men most admire in women? Nurturing nature, social skills, compassion, sensitivity, listening skills, focus on relationships, physical softness, sexy, curvy, beautiful, sacrifice for families, being mothers, better at multitasking, take rough hard edges of the world, create a home out of any environment 14. “Strength, inspiration, love, support to me Balance all of the negativity of the chaos, hard times and heartache of the world.” 15. What do men least admire in women? Emotional manipulation, complaining, nagging, controlling, verbally rip apart your soul, having always to get their way, moodiness, time it takes to get to the root of the problem, gossip, talk everything g to death, emotions domanate rationality or truth, constant need for validation, take everything too personally, unable to apologize to a man, inability or unwillingness to understand what a man is and that they are different. 16. So, just putting up with my marriage? What one thing can I do? Make yourself and your home a place that a husband wants to come home to. Pleasant, no whining and complaining…make your smile contagious. 17. What do men most fear in a relationship with a woman? Rejection, feminism, being taken for granted, loss of physical and emotional closeness and intimacy, lack of support, her inability to forgive and forget, that he cannot take care of her needs, changes they go through from girlfriend to wife to mother…each phase they are less and less about their man Bottom line: Men fear loss. Loss of love, goodwill, loyalty, affection, respect, value …. What do men expect and need in a wife? Put family first Create a sanctuary at home Loving mother Understanding and committed-not swayed by external influences Friend and lover first-mother second Trust and Faith in their husband Makes him her knight in shining armor Trustworthy and loyal Support and cheerleader Sexual intimacy/love a priority, loving and affectionate even when there is stress This shows how vulnerable and dependent men are on their wives for self esteem, motivation, purpose and acceptance, approval and love. Next week: Let’s see it from the women’s side!